my latest dream...

making amends

Green carnival turned silver gray as dusk settled,
We followed the crowds to go home
But you took my hand, and this time I let you,
And we ran away,
And ran for miles,
Under shimmering evening spotlights,
Filtered mercury between shifting summer vines,
Across picket fenced backyard gardens,
Lazily tended and country wild,
Around drowsy clotheslines,
Gently swayed by sweeping zephers,
Until a chilled glass stream
Stopped us in the field.
You lept with reckless abandon,
While fear and joy stopped my heart,
Til somehow, weathered black wood
Creaked and caught you,
Yielding but too old to give.
Your spirit, free for me, let you smile,
As you bounded across the water,
And inspired, I followed.
There we stopped and held each other,
Waiting, watching,
Those voluminous clouds of steam grow closer,
Still echoing silently in the distance,
Amidst a whistle in the wind.
They followed the old iron tracks,
Hiding here in the brush,
Streching toward us and beyond,
Disappearing to a point over the plains,
Leading somewhere, a far somewhere,
A destination curious and foreboding,
Yet immediately irrelevant,
Trivial in the now,
Transcended by our moment.

nightmare

There we were, all on a school field trip in some circular waiting area, getting ready to go home. Everyone was just sitting around relaxing. I saw Her, sitting with my buddy Sam on a curved bench along the circular wall, and by habit, did my best to ignore her. She had her arm around him, and they were joking, having a good time. As I watched, she began trying to sit on his lap, as Sam tried his best to not flirt. She kept laughing and pulling his knee over, and he kept smiling, resisting amicably, wishing to just sit there in peace. I watched all this indignantly, unable to believe my eyes. Is this what she was all about? Had i been wrong the whole time?

Suddenly, mad with dissappointment and anger, I found myself over on the bench pulling her off. I was possesed with rage and intense sadness -- I realized the girl I had admired and adored was nothing more than a manipulative flirt. I was practically standing on top of her, tugging at her arm. She was confused, but not half as confused as I was. I tried playing it off, just laughing and pushing her in the head, but what i really wanted to do was knock her damn head off. Instead I just kept pushing it, repressed, as she laughed awarkly trying to understand my strange game. Everyone in the room was surprised at my outburst.

I got up... I had to get out of there. What was happening?? The room became incredibly warm... and to my horror, I felt hot salty tears bubble behind my eyeballs. Oh where have you gone, my beautiful, naive, unsassuming love? Lost forever, meandering in my convoluded imagination, I cried for you as you floundered, destined never to find your way to reality.

Terrible, pitying eyes surrounded me and I lowered my head to avoid their glare. Get out! Get out! Where the hell was my bag? I scurried around room, searching frantically for it underneth tables and between peoples' legs. The tears erupted, and my false half smile transformed into a full fledged bitter grin. I laughed with shame, and stumbled about for my bag. I passed by the bench where she still sat but, couldn't look towards it. In the irony of the situation, my bag was probably beneith it. I didn't care. I didn't care about much at that point. I burst outside, a beautiful sunny day, distorted and surreal through tear warped eyes.

I woke up and hoped to feel relieved. But some nightmares shouldn't be forgotten.